


Harry Potter meets Harry Potter

by CaelynAilene



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:50:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaelynAilene/pseuds/CaelynAilene
Summary: What happens when Harry and the gang discover first the muggle books, then the movies, and finally fanfiction? Hilarity and drama of course.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DH but not epilogue compliant bc why not? ;) I have a headcanon that the Malfoys were sentenced to house arrest with little to no magic use. During that time Harry sends Draco a Muggle chess set and they play chess by owl post, after the house arrest is over they have a weekly chess “date” at Harry’s place. They don’t talk much but have come to spend time together in comfortable silence. I also see George putting a portrait of Fred in his office at the shop so Fred can continue to help him invent. I know others have followed this rabbit down the hole but I hope I've handled it a bit differently.

November 2007

“Harry! Harry!” Ron began yelling as soon as he appeared in the Floo.

“Ronald!” Hermione yelled as she followed him.

Harry stood in the doorway watching as Ron ducked away from his wife.

“Sorry Harry, I know how you hate people just Flooing in on you,” Hermione apologized.

“But mate you have to see this,” Ron interjected.

Hermione turned, “Don’t make me hex you!”

He ducked his head, “Sorry,” he mumbled, “but we have to tell him.”

“Immediately?” she asked.

Ron looked like he wanted to answer with something smart arsed but thought better of it and kept his mouth shut.

Harry shook his head, “Some things never change. Well you’re here, whatever it is you may as well tell me. What is it are you pregnant again Hermione?”

Hermione turned a shade of red to match her husband’s hair, “Um.”

Harry laughed, “You are aren’t you?”

Ron bit his lip and muttered to Harry, “She’s threatening to send me to a Muggle doctor for some procedure.”

Harry snorted, “Well you’ve managed to have five kids in the past five years you’re lucky she’s waited this long.”

“How was I supposed to know we’d end up with two sets of twins?”

“If this is another set you may never get to share a bed again,” Harry chortled.

“Harry,” Hermione warned.

Harry shook his head, “Well it’s the truth isn’t it,” he replied while reaching for his wand just in case.

“Ha-rry!” 

“Mate,” Ron started, “we’d better stop now. You know how she is when she’s pregnant,” he finished in a whisper only Harry could hear.

Harry walked to Hermione and pulled her into a hug, “Congratulations! You know I love having more nieces and nephews to spoil.”

Hermione hugged him back, while shooting Ron a death glare over Harry’s shoulder. “We haven’t told anyone else. That wasn’t even why we came over tonight, so just keep it to yourself for a while longer will you?”

“Absolutely. So if you didn’t come to tell me about the newest Weasley why are you here? What had Ron in such a dither?”

Hermione looked a bit uncomfortable as she reached into her handbag and pulled out a shopping bag.

Harry groaned, “Mione you didn't take Ron to the Muggle bookshop again did you?”

Before she could answer the fire flared green again and out stepped a well dressed blonde. 

“Sorry Potter, didn't know you had company.” 

“S’ok Malfoy, they just popped in.”

“We can pick up our chess game next week,” Draco said as he turned back to the fire, racing for the Floo powder. 

“No, Draco stay we won't be here long. We came to tell Harry something. Well Ron did, I was trying to stop him.”

“And I see you succeeded.”

“Funny Malfoy. Come on Mione, let's go. We can talk to Harry later.”

Hermione shook her head, “No we're here now. Besides there's no reason Draco shouldn't know.”

“Know what?” Draco asked. 

“Don’t know but it should be interesting. Hermione took Ron Muggle shopping again. He’s nearly as fascinated with Muggle things as his dad,” Harry replied.

“Ah so there will be a story. Perhaps we should sit then,” Draco suggested.

“Right,” Harry agreed summoning chairs for the quartet, “Kreacher.”

Kreacher popped in next to Harry’s chair, “Yes Master Harry?”

“Would you please bring us some tea? Oh and be sure Hermione’s cup is  
decaffeinated.” 

“Yes Master Harry. I’ll be right back with tea and biscuits.”

Draco raised an eyebrow and looked towards Hermione, “Decaffeinated? I suppose  
I should say congratulations?”

Again Hermione blushed, “As long as you say nothing to anyone else then yes and thank  
you Draco.”

“Ok Ron so tell what it is that had you in such a lather you had to come tell me about.  
What did you find now?”

Ron glanced over at Draco before beginning, “We were shopping for Mione’s parents for Christmas.”

“And Ron wandered away because he was bored at what you were looking at?” Harry asked.

“Oi!” Ron complained.

“Really Ron am I wrong? I’ve been with you in Muggle shops, you can’t stand still you wander around looking at everything.”

Hermione nodded, “That’s exactly what he did, next thing I know he comes running over, grabs me by the arm and drags me to the children’s section.”

“There was this display of books and games and pictures and they were all of you.”

“Me?”

“Well you but not you,” Ron replied, “All kinds of books and games about Harry Potter.”

“In a Muggle bookshop?” Draco questioned again with a raised eyebrow.

Kreacher returned and began passing out cups of tea and plates of biscuits.

“Yes! That’s why I dragged Hermione to see it, I was sure I was seeing things or some witch or wizard had bespelled a section of the store.”

“Harry,” Hermione began, “I think the witch you finally let write your biography went and sold it to a Muggle production company as a children’s fiction series. Actually I’m sure of it.” She pulled a boxed set of books out of the shopping bag and handed it over to Harry.

Harry turned the box over in his hands looking at the titles. Draco came and stood to peer over his shoulder. “Who’s this Half Blood Prince?” Draco asked.

Harry looked up at him, “I take it you didn’t read the biography?”

Draco shook his head, “I lived so much of it along with you and I really didn’t want to relive it thank you. It’s not like I come off well in it I’m sure. I was rather a-”

“Prat,” cut in Ron.

“Git,” Harry supplied.

“Bloody bugger,” Hermione added with a large grin.

“Ok you can stop taking the piss now,” Draco rolled his eyes, “Yes all of those things and worse. Who wants to read about themselves that way?”

“Honestly I know what you mean,” Ron said.

“You?”

“Yeah I was a right prat myself to Harry fourth year, and I took off on the two of them in the midst of the hunt for the horcruxes.”

“Not to mention all of the times you snogged Lavender right in from of Mione,” Harry put in.  
Ron flinched and looked up, “Mate do you have to? She still knows that bloody bird charm?”

Harry laughed then turned back to Draco, “Snape was the Half Blood Prince. Wait if you don’t know that how much do you know about Snape and the Order?”

“You mean that he was a double agent? I got all that from the Prophet and the Quibbler, I figured if it was in both it had to be the truth.”

“Oh yeah I guess it was in there.”

“Anyway, the books Harry,” Hermione said, “They’re written like they’re made up stories. I haven’t done more than skim through the first one but I had to buy them to read and see if they changed anything at all.”

“Then you’ll need this back,” Harry held out the box.

“No that one’s just for you. I bought one for myself.”

“And one for Mum and Dad, and one for Bill and Fleur, and one for Percy, and one for-”

“We get the idea Ron, thanks.”

Draco looked at Hermione questioningly, “You don’t happen to have an extra do you? I’ll pay you for it. Or could you tell me which shop I could go to, to buy a set.”

Hermione reached in her handbag and pulled out another boxed set, “You can have this one.”

“How much do I owe you?”

She shook her head, “Oh don’t worry about it.”

“No really. I can get Muggle money to give you or just tell me how many galleons.”

“I have no idea how much it is in wizard money but it was £40.”

“I’ll go to Gringotts tomorrow and make the exchange. I can owl it to you or just have them deposit it in your account there.”

“Really Draco it’s ok. Just take the books.”

“No I should pay. Besides you’re probably going to be needing to buy more baby things, and from what I hear children are expensive.”

“Too bloody right,” Ron muttered then ducked his head as his wife sent him a glare.

“We need to go, we left Molly with the kids and she’s bound to be needing her bed about now.”

“Or a stiff drink,” Draco whispered so that only Harry could hear.

Harry stood. “Thanks for bringing the books. I’ll give them a look over.”

“As will everyone else.”

Ron and Hermione grabbed a handful of Floo powder each and quickly disappeared.

Harry turned to Draco, “You’re really going to read these?”

Draco nodded, “I think it’s more than time for me to face my past. Maybe if I read it in small parts like these books it won’t be so bad.”

Harry nodded, “We could start reading them now while we drink our tea.”

“I suppose we could.”

“You really don’t want to read them with anyone else around do you?”

“No, I… oh hell. I’ll read it. It’s not like you weren’t there and you’re speaking to me now so why not.”

Harry stifled a chuckle and gestured to the chair, “Make yourself comfortable.”

They sat and read in silence for a while.

“I thought you didn’t know you could speak Parseltongue?”

“I didn’t.”

“But you talked to the snake at the zoo.”

“But I didn’t know I wasn’t speaking in English.”

“You really lived in a cupboard?” This was simply unfathomable to Draco who had grown up at the Manor.  
“Yes.”

Draco shook his head.

“You’re family are right aresholes.”

“And yours is so wonderful?”

“Oi!”

“Ok your Mum is ok but your Dad was awful even to you.”

Harry was answered by just a small nod.

“Hagrid used magic on a Muggle?”

“You gonna report him now?”

“No. I think I’d actually like to go shake his hand.”

With this Harry jumped up and crossed to Draco’s chair putting his hand on Malfoy’s forehead.

“What are you doing?”

“Well you clearly aren’t feeling well if you want to shake Hagrid’s hand.”

“Get off!”

Harry laughed and returned to his chair.

“I really must have been beastly to remind you of your cousin.”

“Well it’s not like you were nice.”

“I know.”

“It gets worse doesn’t it.”

“Well yes, but remember we were just kids. And you were a spoiled rich pureblood, so you know.” Harry grinned.

Draco grimaced.

“Malfoy that was a joke.”

“But it was the truth.”

“Maybe I should skip ahead some.”

“If you want.”

“Ok fine, I won’t bottle it. I’ll keep reading but I think I am going to go home.”

“Fine, we can pick up chess again next week.”


	2. Stone, Chamber, and Prisoner

The owls soon began to fly back and forth to Grimmauld Place several times a day.

Potter,   
You could have been in Slytherin and you chose Gryffindor? I suppose that’s my fault.   
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
Don’t blame yourself for everything. My parents were both Gryffindors you know.  
Potter

 

Harry,  
I don’t think Snape was quite as mean as he comes across in these books. Is this what you  
told that witch? He was just strict that’s all.  
Hermione

 

Hermione,  
I think I remember things differently. I recall Snape making you cry at least once a year.  
Harry

 

Mate,  
You best be careful next time you come over. We never did tell Mione we were the ones that  
locked the troll in the lav with her and she’s right ticked.  
Ron

 

Ron,  
Thanks for the warning.  
Harry

 

Potter,  
I still think it’s hilarious that you swallowed that Snitch but I suppose even I have to admit you  
did some impressive flying that day.  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
Was that a compliment, from you? Do I need to come check your temperature again?  
Potter

 

Harry,  
I always thought you stayed when we found the unicorn because you were massively brave. I  
feel better knowing you were so scared you couldn’t move.  
Draco

 

Draco,  
Really you couldn’t see that I was terrified?  
Harry

 

Harry,  
We did not try to send you a toilet seat! We only sent one home to Ginny.  
George (and Fred)

 

George and Fred,  
That was not me, that was the author. Though it would have been pretty funny. Pomfrey would have been hysterical at the thought.  
Harry

 

H  
Dobby? Dobby my house elf tried to stop you from coming back?   
D

 

D,  
You really had no idea. I figured you sent him to keep me from coming back and forbid him from telling me.  
H

 

Harry,  
I’d forgotten just how much fun that flying car of Dad’s was.  
George

 

Harry,  
Oh really you had to tell her about that horrid Death Day party.  
Hermione

 

Potter  
YOU?!? You and the Weasel polyjuiced into my best friends and I didn’t even notice, though as  
bright as Weasley always seemed that really shouldn’t be a surprise. No wonder Granger always beat me out for the best scores.  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
It was pretty hysterical. I can’t believe you didn’t notice when we started to change back. Just a little to stuck on yourself were you?  
Potter

 

Harry,  
You and Ron brought Lockhart to try and save me? What were you two thinking?  
Ginny

 

Gin,  
It was the only way to get down there, trust me we wouldn’t have let him try a thing.  
Harry

 

H  
I can’t stop laughing that you tricked my father into freeing Dobby. He claimed he’d had enough  
of the blasted elf and freed him to be rid of him.   
D

 

H  
You blew up your aunt and got away with it? Must be nice being the Chosen One. That was two years in a row they thought you did magic outside of school, and you all thought I got away with too much.  
D

 

Harry,  
I wish I could have been with you at the Leaky for a week with no brothers around.  
Ron

 

Ron,  
That would have been great. Maybe we should escape somewhere for a long weekend vacation.  
Harry

 

Harry,  
You spent a week by yourself in Diagon Alley and didn’t pull any pranks? We taught you better  
than that.  
G (&F)

 

G & F,  
No one was there who do you think I would have pranked?  
H

 

Harry,  
I still have nightmares about those Monster books.  
Neville

 

Nev,  
Me too.  
H

 

H  
I have to tell you I may have complained endlessly about Lupin because I was supposed to as a  
Slytherin but he was one of my all time favorite teachers. I think several of my Housemates  
would say the same. We learned a lot from him. I was glad I didn’t have to face that boggart  
though. I’m sure my father would have appeared and I don’t even want to think about what he  
would have said when he found out.   
D

 

H  
I really was a prat about my arm and that creature wasn’t I? Though I got loads of attention from the other Slytherins about it, probably part of the reason I kept it up, well that and the fact that I was an arse.  
D

 

D,  
Yeah you were lapping up the attention. Loved to be the center of attention didn’t you. Don’t know why I hated it, still do.  
H

 

H  
A MAP? You had a blasted MAP? That’s how you were always able to follow me?  
D

 

D,  
I’m trying not to hurt myself laughing. Yes I had a map, did you think I was just that good at finding you or did you think I was a stalker? Wait don’t answer that.  
H

 

Harry,  
We are quite happy with how you scared Ron at Honeydukes. Too bad you couldn’t scare a few more people while you were at it  
George and Fred

 

George and Fred,  
That really was a wasted opportunity wasn’t it. Well if I could do it again I’d scare several more people, maybe even the two of you.  
H

 

H  
Only you would get one of the best brooms available from a secret admirer.  
D

 

D,  
Yeah for all the good it did me. I got to look at it then you see it was taken away. I’m just glad I got it back before the big match.  
H

 

Harry,  
I’d forgotten just how much Trelawny annoyed me until reading this book. I’m so glad I dropped that ridiculous class.  
Hermione

 

Harry,  
I have never been more mortified in my life than when everyone found out I had to keep a list of passwords.  
Neville

 

H  
Oh I’d forgotten about those mud balls you threw at me. I owe you for that one especially since you got away scot free.  
D

 

D  
Oh I’m so scared.  
H

 

H  
A smack across the face? That was no smack, she hauled off and punched me. What you didn’t want to make her look bad? Or you just didn’t want to get on her bad side yourself, because that I understand. I swear I can still feel it in my cheek just reading that.  
D

 

Harry  
Oh come on the one time I really let Malfoy have it and they changed it to smacked him? UGH  
Hermione

 

Mate,  
You might want to watch out next time, Hermione is right wound up over the stupid book saying she just smacked Malfoy. Why is it women get so worked up over such a little thing? And why am I asking you?  
Ron

 

H,  
Your father and his friends managed to become Animagi secretly. I can’t believe I’m about to say this but your dad was COOL! And with that kind of sneakiness he could have been a Slytherin.   
D

 

Hermione,  
You attacked a teacher? You Granger attacked a teacher? And Snape of all of the teachers who already didn’t like Gryffindors, and I think I see why now. Potter and Weasley were clearly a bad influence on you.  
Draco

 

Draco,  
I rather think they were a good influence on me, but yes I attacked a teacher and suffered quite a bit of guilt over it later. I wanted to apologize to Professor Snape but I was sure that would only make things worse.  
Hermione

 

H,  
Have you ever thought about the fact that if you had let Lupin and Black kill Pettigrew like they wanted then it would have been much longer before He came back, maybe never even.  
D

 

D,  
I couldn’t have let them kill him. Besides if they had there would have been no way prove Sirius’s innocence. And don’t kid yourself he still would have found a way to come back.  
H

 

Granger,  
You had a time turner. I had no idea that was an option or I would have taken more classes myself.  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
You really think they would have let you have a time turner? Well Snape might have I suppose.  
Granger-Weasley

 

H  
You saved that hippogriff? Why am I not surprised?   
D

 

D  
If your planning on doing something about it now you might want to rethink the idea.  
H

 

H  
A fully corporeal patronus third year? When real dementors were after you. I can't decide if you're that good or just lucky.   
D

 

D  
Jealous?   
H

 

H  
Snape really was on to you, you're lucky Dumbledore was there or you might have ended up hexed.  
D

 

H  
Even Dumbledore thought Trelawny was nutters huh? Why did he keep her around?  
D

 

D  
Well she was off but he had his reasons you'll see.   
H

 

H  
Merlin’s beard I love that you used Sirius against your beastly uncle. You really should have been a Slytherin.  
D


	3. Goblet

H  
How in the world did you know about Little Hangleton? Wormtail told me when we were all at the Manor, he loved to brag about how he was the most faithful of all of Voldemort’s servants and that was just one of his examples.  
D

 

D  
Read the next chapter.  
H

 

H  
I can’t believe those Muggles were starving you just to make their dolt of a son feel better.  
D

 

D  
It wasn’t anything l wasn’t used to.  
H

 

H  
Genius, pure genius using Sirius against them again. Pure sneaky Slytherin worthy genius. Oh the trouble we could have caused together.  
D

 

D  
We caused plenty of trouble without it being together.  
H

 

H  
Oh please oh please tell me I can see a memory of the Weasel clan coming through the wall and the looks on those ridiculous Muggles faces.  
D

 

George,  
You and your brother were hilarious. I never gave you enough credit. “Accidentally” giving Harry’s idiot cousin that candy was bloody brilliant. I’m thinking I’m lucky you never managed to slip me anything.  
Draco

 

Malfoy,  
Don’t think we didn’t try.  
George (and Fred)

 

Harry,  
I can’t believe you knew they sent me dragon dung on purpose and never told me.  
Percy

 

Hermione,  
I’ve always wondered what would happen to a Muggle if they picked up a Portkey. Some of them do go around picking up litter after all.  
Harry

 

Harry,  
Obviously a Portkey must have some sort of Muggle repelling charm on it so they don’t even see it.  
Hermione

 

H  
Weatherby? Salazar’s snakes why didn’t I ever think of that one?  
D

 

Draco,  
I never thought about it before but you were trying to help me weren’t you. You were seriously trying to warn me about the Death Eaters in the woods that night. Sarcastic and nasty as you were, you really were trying to protect me.  
Hermione

 

Hermione,  
I suppose I was. I may not have liked you much but it just didn’t seem quite fair for you to be at risk of humiliation. At that point I just told myself I wanted you to be back at school so I could finally outscore you in classes and humiliate you that way.  
Draco

 

H  
An elf? They thought a bloody house elf could conjure the mark? Not even all of the Death Eaters know the incantation. I was one that didn’t.  
D

 

D  
I don’t think anyone was actually thinking. I think they were all just reacting. Not that that really excuses the stupidity.  
H

 

Harry  
Was I really that big a pompous arrogant git? I was more worried about that bloody cauldron report than the Dark Mark appearing at the World Cup. How is it you all didn’t hex me more often?  
Percy

 

Perce,  
Well we weren’t allowed to do magic outside school so that helped.  
Harry

 

Granger,  
Merlin’s Balls you thought I was right??? I knew you lot didn’t like those blasted creatures Hagrid kept subjecting us to.  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
Don’t let it go to your head, being right once in seven years hardly makes you the genius you seem to think you are.  
Granger-Weasley 

 

Mate,  
I’d forgotten how much I loved ferret Malfoy.  
Ron

 

Potter,  
Thanks so much for sharing the fact that I was turned into a ferret with the entire Muggle world. Though I suppose I should actually be grateful that you didn’t share that when I was transfigured back into myself I was naked.  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
You’re welcome ;)  
Potter

 

H  
Looking back it seems rather counterintuitive for Crouch Jr/Mad Eye to help you learn to fight the Imperius. Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to get back in the DL’s good graces if he could Imperio you to just follow him there.  
D

 

D  
When did Riddle’s plans ever truly make sense? He always thought he was smarter than everyone else and could outthink everyone and that was more often than not his downfall.  
H

 

Granger,  
Did you actually do any research on house elves before your started your club to free them? Have you done any since then?  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
For your information I wasn’t able to find any books at Hogwarts about the house elves or that even had house elves in them. Wizarding libraries tend to be short on information about other magical creatures such as house elves or goblins. Obviously I’ve done research since then including interviewing numerous house elves of various families and places like Hogwarts. I still think they deserve better treatment and am working on that in the Department of Magical Creatures right now.  
Granger-Weasley

 

H  
Well I guess it’s a good thing that Moody/Crouch Jr didn’t just try to Imperio you and take you to the DL. I can’t believe you were able to fight it off. But it makes no sense that he would help you learn to fight it off.  
D

 

D  
Again with this making sense thing, really when did that side ever make sense. Though to play up the part of being Mad Eye he had to help, if he hadn’t it would have been suspicious.  
H

 

Weasley  
Jealous that we got the Durmstrang gang? Yeah well you shouldn’t be. They were a bloody obnoxious lot, all except Krum that is. He was a decent sort but the others were so superior, or at least they thought they were and let us know it constantly.  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
Well now you know how the rest of us felt about you.  
Weasley

 

D  
How is it you didn’t find a way to put your name in the cup?  
H

 

H  
Who says I didn’t? It’s not like all of the entrants were listed.  
D

 

D  
You would never have done it quietly anyway would you.  
H

 

H  
Nope I would have been sure to let everyone know I’d managed it. My father would have been thrilled but my mother would have been horrified.  
D

 

D  
In other words you probably could have figured out a way but for once in your life what your mother thought of you outweighed what your father thought.  
H

 

H  
Possibly, to be honest I didn’t try all that hard. I really wasn’t into the idea of risking death.  
D

 

Weasley,  
You really were a prat to Harry when he was chosen weren’t you?  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
Oh yeah and you were so much better with your badges and that little duel in the hallway, with your buddy Snape coming down on your side of it, making fun of Hermione, and punishing only Harry and I.  
Weasley

 

Weasley,  
While I was delighted that Snape punished you and Harry naturally, he was a right jerk to Hermione unnecessarily. He needn’t have said anything but he just had to reply. I’ve never understood what he had against her. It’s not like he constantly went off on the Purebloods are best rant.  
Malfoy

 

Harry  
Again I think maybe I should shake Hagrid’s hand, taking you in your cloak to see the dragons was a right Slytherin move on his part. Then leave it to you to be so well actually so Hufflepuff and tell Cedric.  
Draco

 

Harry  
Watching you and the others in the first task made me happier than ever that I didn’t even try to enter the tournament. That was some amazing flying. You forgave Weasley way too fast though. Should have made him grovel for a while. How is it you didn’t end up in Hufflepuff?  
Draco

 

Weasley  
How in bloody hell did you end up with Granger after all that Yule Ball stuff?  
Malfoy

 

Malfoy,  
I honestly have no idea.  
Weasley

 

D  
I still can’t believe you were giving stories and quotes to Rita Skeeter of all people.  
H

 

H  
Well I have said more than once that I was a right prat. What else would you have expected? It couldn’t have been any surprise that I was feeding her information.  
D

H  
Myrtle came in on you in the bath? I can barely write I’m laughing so hard. I can’t even, you in the tub and she flew out of the drain, and ….. I can’t breathe.  
D

 

D  
Glad I could be of such amusement to you.  
H

 

H  
Merlin’s baggy pants, you let Crouch Jr have the map?  
D

 

D  
Oh yeah because I knew that’s who he was. Besides I was supposed to say no to a professor? I may have bent the rules but even I didn’t just outright disobey right in front of them or mouth off to them. Well other than Snape that one time.  
H

 

H  
First that damned elf helps you out again and then you go just had to go and try and rescue everyone.  
D

 

Hermione  
Maybe I’m only just now seeing it or maybe I’m just now ready to admit it but Sirius wasn’t always a great person was he. I mean he loved me, and he wanted to help in the fight but he took needless risks, and made some stupid choices.  
Harry

 

Harry,  
I think in situations like that we all make dumb choices sometimes. It’s just human nature. Don’t let that sour your memories of Sirius.  
Hermione

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok getting really serious here so I’m done with the book letters sorry, trying to keep this lighthearted.


	4. Ron discovers the movies

“Mate! Mate!” Ron yelled as he tumbled out of the Floo, then ran down the stairs to the kitchen.

“What is it?”

“Movies,” he gasped.

“I’m familiar with movies Ron,” Harry replied, “What about them?”

“There are movies about you, well about the books, about the books about you.”

Harry’s eyes went wide, “You mean Muggles made movies from the books that were written about me?”

“Yes!” Ron shouted while also nodding his head vigorously.

“And I suppose you think we should get everyone together and watch them?”

“Of course!”

“Where would we do that exactly? You know electronics don’t work in magical houses and I very seriously doubt Hermione’s parents would want the lot of us descending on them.”

“So buy a house.”

“Who buy a house?”

“You.”

“You want me to buy a Muggle house just so we can watch movies?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds rather mad doesn’t it.”

“I’d say.”

“It was just a thought.”

“Yes well it happens that the neighbors next door put their place up for sale not long ago and I bought it. I put in a door between and after some research I was able to set up a magical barrier to keep all ambient magic on this side and cast a null magic ward over that one. I can now go over there and use the computer or watch the telly when I want.”

“And you didn’t tell me? Your best mate!”

“No I didn’t tell you, you’d be over here all the time watching the telly or playing on the computer instead of at home helping Hermione with your children.”

“I would NOT!”

“Ron, really?”

“Well not all the time.”

“Just more than you should.”

“Maybe but you still should have told me.”

“And now you know.”

“So we can do a movie night here?”

Harry sighed, “Fine but it’s up to you to owl everyone with the date and time. They can come here first.”

“I’ll go do that now.” Ron ran off back to the Floo.

Harry just shook his head and reached up to greet the owl that had just flown in the window.


	5. watching the first movie

Everyone,  
Saturday night, 7 o’clock, Harry’s place. You want to be there. You’ll regret it if you miss out!  
Ron

********************************  
Once everyone had tramped through the Floo and front door of #13 Grimmauld Place, through the connecting door into the large living room of #12, and was lounging all about the room on couches, chairs, and pillows on the floor Harry was glad he had purchased such a large television set. 

Ron stood up in front of the screen and attempted to get everyone’s attention leading to popcorn and candy flying through the air at his head. He ducked, turned on the movie, and slid into his seat next to Hermione sliding a laptop onto his lap.

The first few minutes of the movie were watched in silence as those who had seen movies before let those who hadn’t take it in. By the time the letters came flying out of the fireplace however the words began to fly just as fast around the room.

“That kid looks just like you Harry.”

“No he doesn’t, he’s got the wrong color eyes!”

“But he’s a short, scrawny, specky little git.”

“I was not!”

“Yes you were!”

“Short yes!”

“Scrawny too.”

“No I think that was just those old clothes of his cousin’s they made his wear.”

“Yeah you looked much better once you got to wear your own clothes.”

“Do I need to stop this movie?”

A chorus of NOs rang out.

“Then pick on someone else.”

“Was your uncle really that nutters?”

“Still is as far as I know.”

“You should have seen his face when we picked up Harry in dad’s flying car.”

“Or when we came through their fireplace.”

“You guys had all the fun while I was left at home with Mum.”

“Hagrid did a really good job on that tail considering his wand was snapped in half. It’s amazing it still worked at all.”

“Does Dudley still have a tail?”

“No, they had it removed.”

“How did they manage that?”

“Muggle doctor and no I have no idea what they told him.”

“Oh man they didn’t do Gringotts justice, it’s so much grander than that.”

“And so much danker and cramped down below.”

“Oh look at little Malfoy.”

“I wasn’t that tiny, and I never wore my hair like that.”

“And you’re much paler than that kid.”

“Thanks.”

“He’s just as pompous as you were though.”

“Oh my that owl is nearly identical to Hedwig.”

“She was such a good bird.”

“I still don’t understand how no one told you how to get onto the platform. McGonagall told me.”

“It was Hagrid, he probably forgot or didn’t think of it. He was rather distracted that day.”

“Wonderful we get to see me being a prat.”

“You’ll get to see that a lot.”

Popcorn flew at the screen as Quirrel appeared and then more as Snape was spotted. Comments still flew but much less often as the movie continued.

“What is a ship?” Ron asked the room.

Hermione shook her head, “Really Ronald, a ship is a large sea-going vessel.”

“A boat,” Draco drawled, “she means it’s a boat.”

“I know that definition but I don’t think that’s what they mean here.”

“What who means?”

“The people on this website.”

“Well then Ron I don’t know,” Hermione answered.

“What kind of site is it?” asked Ginny.

“It’s a bunch of stories.”

“And they’re not about boats or the sea?”

“No.”

“Well then look it up mate, you have the computer, the rest of us are trying to watch the movie,” Harry replied.

Everything went quiet again for a while, other than the occasional laugh at the screen or the tap of the keys as Ron typed.

“Aren’t you even watching this?” Hermione asked Ron.

“Why? I lived it, we all did.”

“Ron you git, this whole thing was your idea!” George threw his bag of popcorn at Ron’s head.

“Yeah well I watched it already, couldn’t wait for you lot.”

This drew several groans and led to several more bags of popcorn and empty candy boxes flying across the room in his direction. Then their attention was drawn back to the screen in time to see Draco run while Harry was frozen in fear watching the thing they all knew now was Quirrell and Voldemort drinking the unicorn’s blood. 

Just as the movie Harry, Ron and Hermione entered the chess game the real Ron screamed and shoved the laptop onto the floor, “Who has their wand? Someone obliviate me now! Right now! Get rid of the last five minutes immediately! Please someone anyone. Mione be nice, Harry help me out, Malfoy I know you’ve wanted to hex me for years obliviate me now please!”


	6. discovering fanfiction

Everyone in the room was staring at Ron as he was in a panic now begging anyone and everyone to modify his memory. It took several minutes before they could get him calmed down enough to find out just what had him so upset. While the others gathered around Ron talking to him quietly, Draco stepped into the hallway through the connecting door, and summoned a calming draught, then passed it off to Harry who pressed it into the ginger’s hand. Draco then picked up the laptop and went to close it, changing his mind at the last second looking instead to see what it was that had gotten the ginger so riled up. He began to laugh but it wasn’t until that laughter reached a near hysterical fever pitch that the others stopped fussing over Ron and turned to him. He, like Ron, didn’t answer any questions asked of him. When Harry approached with another calming draught Draco waved him away then wiped tears from his eyes. He held up one long finger to pacify the room as he took a moment and some deep lungfuls of air to catch his breath. Ron was still muttering to himself nonsensically. Draco looked over at him and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing again.

“Sorry about that.”

“Malfoy what the hell is wrong with you?” Ginny asked.

“And what’s wrong with Ron?” added Hermione, “I assume you know and that’s why you’re cackling like a loon.”

“It’s… on the computer…ship is-” Malfoy’s eyes crossed with Ron’s and the blonde began to laugh once again as the ginger began near wailing and viciously rubbing his eyes.

“What the bloody hell?” Hermione reached for the laptop but Draco pulled it away and again took a deep breath.

“Sorry, apparently muggles like to write stories about their favorite fictional characters, and they have ‘ships, short I assume for relationships. The website Ronald here was looking at lists the relationships the Muggles have put, well put us in,” he gestured to the room.

“They what?” Harry asked.

“Apparently Muggles have decided we shouldn’t be in the relationships written about in those books. They have paired several of us up in other ways.”

“Like what?” Hermione asked, followed by several others repeating the question.

“Well from my quick look some of the more normal pairings are Neville and Luna, Fred and Hermione, Harry and Hermione, Dean and Seamus.”

Each pairing looked at one another as their names were listed with the final pair blushing a bit when their names were called. Somehow this escaped notice of the others in the room as Draco opened the laptop and continued listing.

“Some more odd pairings Hermione and Blaise, Hermione and me, Hermione and Charlie, Muggle seem to have quite the fascination with you Granger. Let’s see who else: Blaise and Luna, Ginny and Me, Dean and Ginny, Hermione again with Pansy this time, Harry and Cho.” Each pairing read led to groans and laughter.

“Really Ron I mean some of those are odd but nothing so bad as to ask us to obliviate you.”

“He stopped reading,” Ron protested, “There are worse pairings, I swear to you they get worse.”

Eyes turned to Draco again who nodded, “They do, not sure even I want to read some of them.”

“They can’t be that bad.”

“Come on you ninny read them.”

“What are you a man or a mouse?”

“Alright then but you have been warned.”

“Whatever, just read!”

“So shall we start with my father and Ginny, or maybe you’d prefer my father and Hermione.”

Both women shuddered.

“Sorry ladies, maybe you prefer that either of you was paired with Riddle?”

More shudders from the room. Ron closed his eyes and covered his ears.

“Snape and Dumbledore, McGonagall and Pomfrey, Hermione and my crazy aunt, Snape Black and Lupin, the Sorting Hat and Dobby. Is that enough for you all yet.”

“Yes stop!”

“Please stop!”

“Those people are off their rockers!”

“What is wrong with them?”

Several mutters about obliviation were heard before Draco spoke again.

“Those Muggles may be crazy but they got one pairing right.”

“Who?”

“You didn’t list any of us with our actual partners.” Dean and Seamus again blushed but refused to look at one another.

“No, it wasn’t one I listed.”

“Then who?”

“Are you going to tell us or make us guess?”

“You’d never guess.”

“I would,” said Harry having taken a peek at the screen peering around the blonde.

“What?”

“If Harry can guess it, we can.”

“No you wouldn’t,” he replied.

“Yes we would.

He shook his head, “I highly doubt it.”

Draco looked at Harry, “Should we tell them love?”

Harry took Draco’s hand in his looked at the open mouths and wide eyes around them and replied, “Somehow I don’t think we need to.”


End file.
